Another summer, another nervous breakdown. Or seven. But who’s counting?
Summer basically means a few things in this house: snacks, entertainment, and more snacks. And did I mention snacks? There is no hungry like a bored kid on summer break hungry.
Entertainment, though? That isn’t as easy to combat. I can go stock up on popsicles and peanut butter crackers all day long, and I’m no worse off from it. But finding stuff for my kids to do to combat the constant flows of “I’m booooooored” is a whole other story. A terrible, long, dreadful, never-ending, will-leave-you-with-nightmares kind of story.
Between the road-trips (God help me), stays with grandparents (thank you, God) and few-and-far-between plans with friends there’s “downtime”. Summertime downtime is sent from the devil himself. You’d think they’d just play outside or watch movies or get really acquainted with the sprinklers and downtime would magically disappear…you’d think, but you’d be wrong. They can do all of these things I mentioned in approximately 11 seconds, leaving the rest of the day to the black hole of boredom.
One thing my kids like to do to kill their brain cells is watch stupid YouTube videos. Not anything life-enhancing like cats in boxes or people falling off treadmills, I’d never knock those, I mean really stupid stuff. I’m talking videos of people playing games, opening and playing with toys, making tiny food, eating disgusting things, etc. Now, most of these games and toys my kids already have, but instead of playing with the games and toys themselves, they find a greater pleasure in watching other people do it. I could have saved myself a lot of money knowing this from the get-go, but whatever.
They’re becoming a little obsessed with watching the food “challenges”, and are now wanting to actually have their own food challenges. Yesterday when they asked if they could do the “Pizza Challenge”, and told me in the end they’d have to eat a pizza with a collection of gross toppings on it, I gleefully accepted. A chance to make my kids eat something they normally wouldn’t, and it was their idea? Where do I sign up?
After years and years of refusing to eat the delicious food I make for them, you better believe I had a glorious time rounding up a big old pile of nasty for them to feast on. Yes they only took one bite and yes they vomited in the trash can, but that isn’t the point.
So it turns out the only thing standing between me and getting my kids to do what I want them to do is someone on YouTube hasn’t challenged them yet. Not just anyone though, someone that’s adept at captivating kids to watch them do the lamest stuff imaginable.
Look. YouTubers, we need you. Please make cool “Eat Your Broccoli!” challenges. Or, at a minimum, “You Need More Than Crackers To Survive!” challenges, and “Stop Peeing on the Bathroom Floor!” challenges and “For the Love of God Brush Your Teeth They Should Not Be That Color!” challenges, okay? I’d do it myself but I don’t have purple hair or a British accent or 24 million followers, so I don’t think they’d take me seriously.